A Place I Go To....

I feel so confused today... So lost and unsure.

Right now, I am outside sitting on my deck with my laptop in my lap.
I just had to get outside, and get some fresh air. Even though I was outside earlier.. but as soon as I came home.. I had to come out here right away. My stomach just feels so weak right now. Maybe it's car sickness, from earlier, but I don't get car sickness!
I don't know. I'm just not in a very cheerful mood, ya know?
And there's this event I am supposed to go to tonght, the "Cancer Relay For Life". I feel so bad for the fact that I might not go. I don't see the point in going if I can't be very cheerful around people. I don't want to create a sad atmosphere around anyone I talk to.

I would be supporting a good cause though, and my grandmother.. being a survivor of cancer, is apart of it... and.. I don't know, I feel like my family expects me to be there, especially my aunt. She will be so upset with me. But, I'm really not up for it tonight!

And the fact that I'm out here in the cold typing with numb fingers clearly states that I'm not fit to be in there right now. I'm clearly not in a good state of mind.

I am so cold... my body shivers with every finger I move, and the wind strikes me so gently but coldly that It shoots shivers through my whole body. But, I like this atmosphere out here. It's so much better than indoors. The brooke...just outside my fence is creating a beautiful sound as the water is flowing though towards the ocean... The ocean looks perfect...even with that one far away iceberg out there... It's beautiful.

The sound of kids nearby screaming every once and a while is kind of throwing the peacefulness off bit, though. But, I can deal with it. One day I might not have this place, so I may enjoy it while I'm here. Eventually, I will move away, and create a life of my own. Hopefully, I can find a place that feels as amazing as this place.

I feel like I have defiantly changed the topic!
I am going to go and enjoy the rest of the night before it gets too dark and I get too cold while I listen to Wakey!Wakey! and some more of my favorite music! Hopefully I can feel better soon. I don't ever get sick, so I hate this feeling, I hate when I do get sick because It rarely happens, and I'm not used to the feeling at all.

I think I might draw some fashion sketches tonight, to get something accomplished!

             - Kelsey M..